This past Saturday I met my...this is hard to say...I guess you could call him my dad but I've always referred to him as "sperm donor"...for the first time. From the moment my mother told me he showed up at my grandmother's to the very moment I sat across from him and even just a few days ago, I had no idea how to feel. All that kept going through my head was "Why? After 26 years 10 months and 7 days would you decide to show up now?" I've made almost every possible "big" move in my life. Graduated high school, two college degrees, a good job, career based certification, a home, a husband. As a matter of fact I was doing just fine with believing you'll never be around...real talk.
But while I was on this rant I asked God to please help me put these events into perspective. Father I need to know how to feel, why I feel, and should I feel! And so he proceeded to help me realize all that I have done in my life. The reason why there were some people there and others weren't (even if they were a parent). He topped it off with this song. It's been on my phone for over a year now and I never actually listened to the lyrics. But when I did, a whole new world opened up for me and I realized that I was never alone...better yet I was never without a Father because He was ALWAYS there! Then I began to think of how far I've come without an earthly father and it finally made sense. This whole time I'm thinking of myself as this less privileged child because I didn't have two parents when in fact I was blessed with the greatest parent anyone could ever have. The One who adorned me, my Father, He was and He is! :-)
What was even more inspiring was when I tweeted a "Thank you" to Fred Hammond for creating such an awesome song, he replied with a stream of tweets that explained his story behind it. His father died before he could meet him. His pastor encouraged him to write a letter to his dad explaining his feelings about him not being there. A month later he read this letter, but instead it was to an empty chair. Wow...
"My Heavenly Father has always been there. For my earthly one was gone, yea. He's taken care of me, and I only want to be just like Him."
*No baby blog today Angel. Just mommy's testimony...
Adaiha, This such a touching post! I, too, have struggled with the reality of not having that relationship I longed for with my "earthly father" In fact, I didn't even really get to know him until I was an adult.
ReplyDeleteI posted about it a few months ago. You can feel free to read it.
http://lifeasjewelknowsit.blogspot.com/2011/07/one-year.html